the truth

hi! long time no share. ini aja log in dengan susah payah karena lupa passw-_-
oke kali ini yuk dimulai. egalau beraksi.

I really want someone to know that i really love him eventho' i know this is wrong for him to know. i know that my love was never enough. i'm so selfish.
i want you to know that i still hurt when i remember that i was treat you bad when we were together. i wish that i could take it all back but i realized, it just an impossible wish. i wish that someday you'll give me the second chance to make everything right again. i won't disappoint you anymore. yeah, and it's killing me to see you with the other girl. i still that selfish anyway. and kinda unstable. smtms I think, it's enough just to see you happy even it without me, but the other time I really miss you and want you back here by my side.

I know I should probably just let go, because I know that it won't work out, and everyone tells me that. So I try to convince myself that it's better off that way, without you. But then I'll think of you, and remember your smile, and the way that it used to make me melt. I can't imagine myself with anyone else, and no matter how hard it will be, I want to be with you.
It's The reason why I can’t get myself in to another relationship, No matter how bad I want to. I’m scared. I’m not scared of getting hurt, I’m scared of hurting someone else, because deep inside my heart I just won't let 'you' go.

You were the one person I could call when I was in a bad mood, who would unknowingly cheer me up. You were the reason why I can't sleep all night thinking what i were to you. You were the one that I'm waiting for so long. You were the one that made me cry whenever I remember that I always gave the blame to you in every fight we through. You were the person I really want to be with. But most of all, you were suppose to have been mine, but you never even gave me that second chance to fix all of my mistakes before.
I do regret everything bad I was done for you.
I know I'm so stupid to let you let me go. I love you, and I want you to prove that you love me too, but yeah I'm still that selfish. I can't accept you for who you are and keep in mind that your love was never enough for me. i thought I can't live that way, I mean I'm bored of fights, I won't make you took the pain in every fight we have anylonger. I just want you to be happy and I thought being apart is the only way. But I was wrong. I lose my sense of wrong or right that time. and now i just can do nothing to you, i won't ruin all the fun you're having now. I'm just watching...........from a distance and keep hoping for the miracle to come.

and these are another random thoughts
I know that I...
- Annoy you, at times.
- Offend you, at times.
- Get a little too clingy, at times.
- Irritate you, at MANY times.
- Seem careless, at times.
- Disappoint you, at MANY times.
- Can be boring, at MANY times.
- Don’t give you enough space, at MANY times.
- Don’t always say/do the right things, at MANY times,
- Don’t always give you my full attention, at times.
- Make you wanna leave me, at times.

still I want you to know.. I’m always trying to be better when i was with you. to be better for you. but this is me. I'm just an unstable kid, poor girl. still don't know how to act right when emotions keep stand in me.

no matter how hard i'm trying to spoke it all out, i still can't make my heart free from the guilty feelings. don't know how to behave.

I'm sorry for still wanting you want me back :(